The longer the list, the better
So my daughter loves crafting almost as much as I do. This means that when other moms have to worry about stepping on legos, I also have to remind her to unplug her hot glue gun and make sure that the craft items are back in the craftroom. I also work for a living, so when I am not home to be right on top of the clean-up, I stick with the basics, “unplug your glue gun.”
When it comes to cleaning her room… that’s always been a task. I used to become frustrated when she would absolutely refuse to clean it, simply crying because I had asked her to do it to begin with. It wasn’t until I learned that there is a name for my own obstinance that I realized that it wasn’t just that she is so much like me, but also that she has her own separate needs that need to be addressed in these situations. She needs the tasks broken down into smaller things to accomplish. It is not that she can’t clean her room in its entirety, it’s that the words ‘clean your room.’ is not only daunting, but it is also a demand that will be expected of her over and over throughout her life. Breaking the task down to easier items goes a long way in our family. And oddly enough (this just dawned on me) I use this method when I write my books as well. Stages to completion if you will as opposed to thinking about a book as a whole. The chapter outline guides me and I still break it down even further. I am just happy that I am in a good place in figuring this whole thing out where I can share the things that work for us.
I went down the rabbit hole. After quite a few trials and most of them errors to begin with as the many of the people writing the advice weren’t NeuroDiverse themselves, we found a solution that works for her. I write a task list for her bedroom with the most basic of instructions. This is literally what I just handed her not five minutes ago
Tasks to make sure your friend can come over tomorrow
· Take all items that are not for sleeping off your bed
· Make your bed the way you like it
· Put the craft supplies back in the craft room
· Pick up any toys that are on the floor and add to toy box
· Pick up any trash and throw away
· Hide any items that you don’t feel comfortable with other people touching (you can put those in the craft room if you want).
· Let Mama know when you are done so she can sweep and mop
· Make a play plan
When I handed my daughter this list, there was an immediate panic that I watched set in as she began reading and I interrupted her with this, “You have until tomorrow to get it done so it is ok if you take your time today.” ***She cleaned her room in the time it took me to write this.***
Knowing that she had the whole day to do it and that I wasn’t going to ask her anything about the list until tomorrow morning spurred her into action. I’m not sure of the exact reason for her getting it done so quickly, but how it works with me is knowing that I can do it in my own time crossed with the fact that getting it done and out of the way frees my time up for other things I want to do.
As much as I have been looked at by others at my nuttiness and my refusal to use the ‘my way of the highway’ method, it works for us.
As a side note, asking her to make a play plan is something I love to do with her. She has a tendency to complain that she is bored. Even when she has a friend over and there is over an acre of yard to play in, she and her friends tend to find absolutely nothing ‘fun’ to do. So with a list of things to do that she has come up with on the off chance that she is bored, she can defer to it. It also eliminates her having to come up with things to do on the spot when she has a lot of social anxiety and a hard time fitting in.
